is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
