I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
