i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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