He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
vagina is talking i cant
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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