worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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