I think I died a long time ago.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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