we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pants are for mortals
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
