And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
