First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
