It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it's like iHOP with fire
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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