how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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