He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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