So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
