i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
