worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
high people should be assigned attendants
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
