I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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