Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
