he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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