yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
