Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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