I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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