I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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