I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We're too hungover to prance.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
