ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
