Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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