On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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