If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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