Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
