Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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