Michael Bay diarrhea
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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