Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
