He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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