You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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