I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
