we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
