I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
