I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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