Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
