Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
