I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
