He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Houston, we have a blender
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
