Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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