dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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