I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just want nice things and good sex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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