Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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