um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
