Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
