i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
we should paint friendship bongs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
