You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I checked into jail on foursquare
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
