We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
