i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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